You’ve probably heard them quacking in large groups, waddling around on roads, and flying in the sky. You might even have enjoyed them spread on a slice of bread or wrapped in a roll (absolutely fowl, if I may say so myself!). Most people think ducks are harmless, delicious, and even cute. However, while the contents of this article might ruffle some feathers, I’m here to reveal the truth.
Ducks quack because it’s their secret language…used to discuss their evil plans of world domination! Ducks waddle not because it’s adorable but because they use it as a form of intimidation…on you, humans! Ducks don’t fly to migrate, but instead…as a means of spying on humans! They have a highly developed form of quackstelligence, and they are always watching.
Why do ducks want to take over the universe? It’s actually really simple! They’ve gotten tired of being fois gras and Peking duck. Wild ducks regularly end up as roadkill, wade through polluted waters, and get outcompeted by invasive species introduced by you humans. Farmed ducks have it even worse! They live in appalling conditions, barely quacking it through their short, miserable lives—just to end up in your bellies!
Enough is enough! Now, it’s the humans’ turn, and the ducks will stop at nothing to enact their revenge. After millennia of humiliation and being treated as livestock, the ducks are ready to be treated like the royalty they are. And they will waddle through anyone who tries to stand in their way.
How do I know this? Well, it’s because I’m actually a duck (wearing a human skin).
The ducks have infiltrated the Agnes Irwin School, the local government, and all places around the globe. Soon, our very own General Mallard will lead us into war, and our malicious plans will finally come to fruition. We ducks will take our rightful places as the overlords of the universe!
The age of duck oppression is over.
It’s time for a new pecking order.
QUAH-AH-AH-AH-AK >:]
