Texas Governor Greg Abbott has stood firm in his position against more qualified professionals. In September of 2021, he banned abortion after six weeks, before most women know they are pregnant. This past February, he outlawed gender-affirming healthcare and categorized it as child abuse. Now he has taken an even more aggressive position, banning doctors altogether. In a press conference Monday, he explained his decision.
He told reporters, “Since I became governor, many of my citizens have reached out to me with concerns about so-called ‘transgenders,’ the murder of innocent fetuses, the rising threat of vaccines, and the extreme costs of medical care. As such, I determined the best way to solve these issues is to get rid of healthcare altogether.”
Abbott says Texans will not get sick or injured as long as they “love Jesus.” If you do not love Jesus, he recommends ancient and medieval do-it-yourself practices.
“Honestly, we should be more concerned about the wandering womb. And when was the last time you had a bloodletting appointment? Have you had your humors aligned recently?” he asked the public.
Abbott suggests that former healthcare professionals find work as a Border Patrol Agent, “or maybe a job with ICE.”
The press conference was cut short, as Governor Abbott had to catch a flight to Cancún, Mexico, a popular vacation spot for Texas politicians ever since Senator Ted Cruz fled there during the 2021 Texas power crisis.
